wondering...does shared hatred equal friendship? Or, at least my dear daughter wondered this yesterday.

I questioned her to see if something was going on at school between friends. She said, "No, I'm thinking a little more globally than personally. If two people hate the same thing, are they friends?"

I think that true friendship is based on sharing genuine emotions. I don't think hatred can be genuine so I'm guessing the answer is no.

She's 10. I wonder how her questions are going to evolve.

Identity Crisis...

As many of you who read this know, I changed my name back to my maiden name. I have always preferred Myers to Mudd and often regretted changing my name in the first place. However, now my name is Andrea Myers used to be Mudd or Andrea Myers mom of Tori and/or Connor Mudd. It definitely didn't simplify anything except the fact that I don't necessarily have to be Andrea Mudd Yes that's My Ex's Last Name.

Dumb rant, I know, but I feel like six months into it people shouldn't still be confused by my name shift and they are....

ANYWAY - check out these cool pics of my vacation with the kids. Gotta love the children that pick going on vacation instead of (as I indicated) a "bunch of crap that you never play with anyway".

Marginally better...

I haven't been this sick in a long time. "Maybe ever!", says my mother. And, she may be right. After nearly 48 hours of a fever I started hallucinating. Which, I suppose could have been fun. However, the kids arrived home from school yesterday to a mom who couldn't really form sentences, had a hard time standing and definitely couldn't make dinner. Lucky for me, they're incredibly self sufficient and while I alternated between sweating and shivering on the couch, they made pizza.

And then, as if by magic, the fever broke. And instead of feeling like I was drowning and floating all at the same time I now just feel tired. Steve had offered to keep the kids for the entire weekend so I could rest up and truly recover. However, he's sick now. Or "feels something coming on". I'm guessing he's right because Tori's in the next room coughing up a storm and Connor put his PJs on at 6:00 - and he hates to go to bed. He requested meds (and he hates those too) so I'm guessing tomorrow I'm going to wake up to two sick kids, two basketball games, Tori's birthday party (which unfortunately might have to be cancelled - which will lead to one really disappointed kid....) and I'm guessing I'm still going to sound like a 1-900 number operator with emphysema.

And so, there's no luxurious time to recover from this one. I hope I find the time to just wash all the sheets and everyone can go back to school and work next week. Cross your fingers.

Sick.....

And here it is. A time I might actually miss being married. I'm miserable. I have the chills, I have a fever, I'm coughing up both my left lung and my right. I think decapatation would be a fantastic improvement. However, I don't have the luxury of just going to bed. Tori has her school play. Steve has basketball tonight and thus did the afternoon show, plus we're divorced! He doesn't need to cover for me. I so rarely feel like a sterotypical single mother because he does genuninely help out with the kids more than most dads I know. But tonight, as I long to crawl into bed and sleep until this hell has passed, I will be watching the musical review "Bones" about how the foot bone is connected to the ankle bone....and so on.

The hamster died. It actually died the day after my last rant. Tori was remarkably okay with it. She held it, put it gently in a box and when I asked her if she wanted to write it a note she said "Mom, even if he was still alive he couldn't read, so what's the point." Ahhh, I've raised my clone. There weren't many tears, it was mostly logic and as she pointed out, I did everything I could to save him.

And so, one hour after the hamster died, we bought Thumper. The replacement. And life goes on.

I thought about waiting to replace the hamster but because it was the holidays and because I knew this year would be complicated, we didn't wait.

And, this year was complicated. I suppose the first year after divorce always is. Steve and I told the kids we weren't going to make them do two Christmases and that we were going to spend the holiday together. Which we did. Christmas Eve Eve, Christmas Eve Day, Christmas Eve Dinner, Christmas Eve Evening, Christmas Morning and all day Christmas Day. Steve did not spend the night (thank goodness) or that might have sent me over the edge. Steve is still Steve and I'm still happier without him in my life 24/7. He's still in my life, and always will be, and I'm glad that we're able to get along for the kids sake. But, it was a little much for me.

2:00 - 4:00 this morning.

I was awake…we thought Tori’s hamster was dying last night (shaking constantly, not opening its eyes, ears down, red nose, couldn’t walk, back leg was all screwy...) and she was pretty hysterical. We thought maybe he fell (he’s been climbing up his water bottle and then hanging upside down on the lid). I guess injured hamsters don’t drink (probably because they know they’re going to die and want to speed up the process). ANYWAY, I gave it a concoction of sugar/salt water (recommended on hamsterhelp.com or some random site), cleaned its cage and gave him a small piece of bread with olive oil. These items above were done simply to calm my screaming banshee of a daughter down. I didn’t think they’d help at all and was sure that I’d wake up this morning to more banshee and a dead rodent. Thus, I kept thinking about how I’d calm her down, if I’d immediately have to replace said rodent, if I’d have to buy her a puppy since it’s the first Christmas that we’re divorced AND she has a dead hamster, if I should just take Steve back as a distraction from dying rodents….blah blah.

At 6:30 this morning I hear “MOM!” and I’m sure Scratch is dead. Nope. He’s running around like, well, a hamster. My daughter thinks I’m a rock star and some sort of hamster saving savant.

Being a mom is not easy.

Launched. In a mere 93 minutes Seclusion will officially launch on DVD nationwide. I can't decide whether to cheer or cry.

If you're in Denver on Sunday, November 12th, come to our DVD Launch Party/Colorado Premiere at The Oriental Theater. We'd love to see you. Tickets can be purchased at www.theorientaltheater.com.