Fifty.

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In my 49th year on this blue marble hurtling through space, I built myself a life raft. Or, more simply, I finally started building myself a life. 

I uprooted my entire existence and, without a job on the horizon and a rapidly dwindling savings account, I moved to California. Now, a year later, I celebrated my 50th Birthday in a most perfect way. I took a day off from a job that I truly love. I spent the morning with my grandsons followed by a quick swim. Opened touching gifts and messages from friends and family. Went to a spa for a glorious massage and facial as a gift from my family. After turning into a puddle of goo, I tracked down a beachfront restaurant and splurged on a chilled seafood appetizer platter (was it made for 2 people…yes. Did I care? No. Did I eat it all? Also, yes.) Lunch was followed by a photo jaunt meandering drive up the coast while listening to an “Andrea’s Top 50” playlist from my BFF. This evening has been spent FaceTiming with my kids and now cuddled up with the dog while journaling. I took a couple of selfies today so I could look back at what 50 looks like. I have to say, I look pretty relaxed these days. Life. Is. Good.

Tomorrow, I start my 50th year with incredible gratitude.

50 things I am grateful for today (in no particular order):
  1. My children: Birth, step, fake, grand, in-law. They are my greatest loves.
  2. My dog. I think my children might argue that she is sometimes my greatest love…she definitely is my best emotional support companion.
  3. My family. (Parents: Their support in these 50 years has been so appreciated. Brother: Always good for a laugh. My cousin: because every first born daughter should have another first born daughter to go through life with.) 
  4. My friends - while I love my solitude and most of my friends are “long-distance”, there’s not a day that goes by without an interaction with one, or several, of them that brings me joy.
  5. Sushi. (This is where I’m glad that I have a friend/family in my step-daughter who is always down to be a sushi date!)
  6. Modern medicine - I’ve lost 83 pounds in the last 18 months. Turns out diet and exercise can’t do it all…
  7. The ocean.
  8. My cameras.
  9. Spotify.
  10. Freelance writing clients.
  11. My apartment.
  12. FaceTime
  13. Massages
  14. Pizza with my grandsons
  15. Swimming pools
  16. Hot tubs
  17. Weird photogenic birds
  18. Whales
  19. My mental health - I’m down to seeing my therapist every 6-8 weeks. I’m not quite ready to stop with a regularly scheduled visit as I know that hard things will keep happening in life and I like knowing that I have the shorthand of someone who has ridden shotgun to hell and back with me.
  20. Photo jaunts (see #8).
  21. Chocolate Chip Cookies
  22. Noise cancelling headphones.
  23. Live music
  24. Meditation/therapy/medication. The trifecta that makes #19 possible.
  25. My giant sun hat.
  26. Starfish sleeping in the middle of a king bed.
  27. My job. Finally, after 700+ applications I found a job that fills my analytical thinking bucket, is fully remote, and leaves me enough time and energy for me to continue pursuing my…
  28. Creative outlets.  
  29. My weighted blanket.
  30. When Ivy also wants to be my weighted blanket (yes, I know…she’s now on here twice).
  31. Health insurance. 
  32. My crazy hair that has become curly and unruly as I age.
  33. Time to research and write outside of work.
  34. My TENS device.
  35. Ice water.
  36. My physical health - I got my bloodwork back today and, for the first time in my adult life, nearly every single level was “normal”. (My cholesterol was 2 points above normal…what can I say, I’m grateful for…)
  37. Cheese. 
  38. Blue light glasses.
  39. Books.
  40. High speed internet which allows me to work remotely from my little office nook overlooking my patio and a magnolia tree. 
  41. My Honda Element.
  42. Paid vacation days. (As an entrepreneur I’d never experienced these!)
  43. Future travel plans. I hope that I can hit my 50th state (Alaska) in my 50th year.
  44. Cold brew.
  45. San Diego weather.  Seriously though…how do people live anywhere else?
  46. Year round farmers markets. (See #45)
  47. My giant bathtub and lavender bubble bath.
  48. My curiosity. 
  49. The future.
  50. I am grateful, most of all, for the past-version of myself that leapt without a guaranteed safety net. This life I’m living now sometimes feels like a dream. I know that I helped curate this experience, but a lot of it just feels like the universe finally conspiring with me instead of against me. It’s a welcome change.

If I live as long as Grandpa Bill, I’ve got almost another 50 years in me. 

Here’s to the grand adventure. 


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