concerned. If 90% of sexual assault victims don't report the crime, how big are the numbers really?
I started writing this blog two years ago and then I walked away from it, thinking "do I really want to be this vulnerable in the web-verse?" The #metoo movement last week gave me cause to revisit.
My firstborn is now in her second year in college. She is my clone in nearly every way. We look alike. We sound alike. We think alike. We share a sick sense of humor.
There's one huge difference though.
She survived high school without being sexually assaulted. I didn't.
I was assaulted twice in high school and never reported either one. I questioned myself and wondered, "Why did I get into that elevator with that guy?" or "Why did I think that other guy just wanted to show me something backstage?" I wasn't raped, but I was violated. I was touched when I didn't want to be, in ways I didn't want to be touched, by people I gave no permission, either directly or indirectly, to touch me.
I should have reported them, I know, however I was worried about people questioning my morality, not believing my story, etc. etc.
The story of the rapist, Brock Turner, grabbed my attention a couple of years ago and it got me thinking. I pulled up rape statistics for colleges and there were only twelve at her school and at first I thought "Whew! That's lower than either of the big state schools here in our home state." But if 90% aren't reported then there were over one hundred rapes on her campus alone.
So, if ONE in FIVE women should expect to be sexually assaulted in college I need to give some pointers to my kids.
1 - If you're attacked it's NOT your fault. It's the attacker's fault. No one else's. Just the attacker.
2 - It doesn't matter if you're drunk. Thousands of college students get drunk every weekend and make out with strangers and don't get raped. Drinking to excess can increase your odds of doing stupid things but it's NOT your fault if you're drunk and get attacked.
3 - Wear whatever the hell you want. It's NOT your fault if you're rocking the boob shirt and feeling sassy. If someone touches you in a way that makes you feel unsafe or fearful that's NOT okay.
4 - You can go places alone. Sure, I'm going to want to give you a taser, have you take a self defense class, and encourage you to walk place with friends, but if you're walking home from the library late one night you should NOT expect that you should be attacked.
5 - You can say no any time you want. So you've met this great person and you think it might be fun to hang out and watch a movie, or go on a walk, or even make out in their room. Hell, it doesn't matter if you're naked! If you say NO then it's a hard NO and you can defend your right to say NO at any time, in any situation.
I'd like to say that my journey ended after high school and I was never subject to assault as an adult. That was not the case. I wish that I had someone repeat all of these rules to me. I'm working to repeat them to myself as part of my recovery.
My firstborn is now in her second year in college. She is my clone in nearly every way. We look alike. We sound alike. We think alike. We share a sick sense of humor.
There's one huge difference though.
She survived high school without being sexually assaulted. I didn't.
I was assaulted twice in high school and never reported either one. I questioned myself and wondered, "Why did I get into that elevator with that guy?" or "Why did I think that other guy just wanted to show me something backstage?" I wasn't raped, but I was violated. I was touched when I didn't want to be, in ways I didn't want to be touched, by people I gave no permission, either directly or indirectly, to touch me.
I should have reported them, I know, however I was worried about people questioning my morality, not believing my story, etc. etc.
The story of the rapist, Brock Turner, grabbed my attention a couple of years ago and it got me thinking. I pulled up rape statistics for colleges and there were only twelve at her school and at first I thought "Whew! That's lower than either of the big state schools here in our home state." But if 90% aren't reported then there were over one hundred rapes on her campus alone.
So, if ONE in FIVE women should expect to be sexually assaulted in college I need to give some pointers to my kids.
1 - If you're attacked it's NOT your fault. It's the attacker's fault. No one else's. Just the attacker.
2 - It doesn't matter if you're drunk. Thousands of college students get drunk every weekend and make out with strangers and don't get raped. Drinking to excess can increase your odds of doing stupid things but it's NOT your fault if you're drunk and get attacked.
3 - Wear whatever the hell you want. It's NOT your fault if you're rocking the boob shirt and feeling sassy. If someone touches you in a way that makes you feel unsafe or fearful that's NOT okay.
4 - You can go places alone. Sure, I'm going to want to give you a taser, have you take a self defense class, and encourage you to walk place with friends, but if you're walking home from the library late one night you should NOT expect that you should be attacked.
5 - You can say no any time you want. So you've met this great person and you think it might be fun to hang out and watch a movie, or go on a walk, or even make out in their room. Hell, it doesn't matter if you're naked! If you say NO then it's a hard NO and you can defend your right to say NO at any time, in any situation.
I'd like to say that my journey ended after high school and I was never subject to assault as an adult. That was not the case. I wish that I had someone repeat all of these rules to me. I'm working to repeat them to myself as part of my recovery.
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