I am....

I started writing this blog two years ago and then I walked away from it, thinking "do I really want to be this vulnerable in the web-verse?"  The #metoo movement last week gave me cause to revisit. My firstborn is now in her second year in college.  She is my clone in nearly every way.  We look alike.  We sound alike.  We think alike.  We share a sick sense of humor. There's one huge difference though. She survived high school without being sexually assaulted.  I didn't. I was assaulted twice in high school and never reported either one.  I questioned myself and wondered, "Why did I get into that elevator with that guy?"  or "Why did I think that other guy just wanted to show me something backstage?"  I wasn't raped, but I was violated.  I was touched when I didn't want to be, in ways I didn't want to be touched, by people I gave no permission, either directly or indirectly, to touch me. I should have reported them, I know, h

And just like that, it's done. I no longer have kids, I have adult children.   When my oldest turned eighteen just over a year ago it took my breath away.  How could I be this old?  Did I do everything right? Does she know how to do everything she needs to know to survive adulthood? Today, when my "baby" turned eighteen I feel more confident that: yes, I am this old (even though I vividly remember being eighteen myself.); no, I didn't do everything right (but I did a damned good job); and I still don't know everything I need to know to survive adulthood, so why should they? When I was eighteen, here's what I "knew". I wasn't going to get married and have kids until I was "old" (35) and wanted to settle down and if I ever did get married, I'd be married forever. I was going to go to the University of Chicago for law school. I was going to find a way to be famous by the time I was out of college.  I wasn't going to need m

I look at over 100 houses a day.  Not in person, that would be impossible, but online.  It's a rapid click through photos for my multiple buyers to determine if this house, in that area, is a fit.  IF the photos are good (and that's a giant IF because sometimes they look like THIS).... But if they're half-way decent photos then I go read the descriptions. And sometimes they go like this: Your going to love living hear. You're future kitchen features stainless steal appliances. Their moving to Canada and can't take all of there belongings, so the pool table is available. So, here's a quick lesson on how to use common real estate words. If they are going to do something and you don't want to type "they are" it's THEY'RE.   For example: They're having the carpets cleaned after their chinchilla threw up.   If they have something that they possess that they would like to feature it's THEIR.  For example: Their teenage basem

I've never been dog person.  I swear.  They're loud, rambunctious, messy, attention whores, who slobber and people spend way too much money on them.  But eight years ago my family was struggling to find our joy after the divorce and then someone tried to break into my house.  So, I decided to get a dog.  A big, protective,vicious, bundle of wiggles.....Ebi, the golden retriever. Almost instantly there was a change in my daughter's smile.  My son became more patient and kind. I no longer felt like my house was a tomb that I rattled around in when the kids were at their dad's for the weekend.  Ebi became the catalyst for me to leave the house and take a walk or go to the dog park on my horrible self inflicted blind dates .   She was the litmus test for those guys. If she hated them, they were gone.  When she met Husband 2.0 she fell in love and I knew he was a keeper. And so, last week, when we were in the throes of preparing for a week filled with the joyous celebrat

She did it.  I did it.  We did it. Thirteen years ago my first-born started kindergarten. Yesterday she graduated with Honors.   As my first child, I had really no idea what I was doing.  I faked it, sure, but I was scared.  I was twenty eight years old, in a struggling marriage, a piano teacher, and running a work/life balance consulting firm.  Thirteen years later, I'm creeping up on 41, happily married to Husband 2.0, a successful Realtor, and life is a lot calmer. Here are the things I learned in 13 years, and though I didn't get the cap and gown yesterday, I felt as though in many ways her accomplishments was a source of pride for me as well. 1 - Volunteer early and often. I learned more from Tori's kindergarten teacher about how to be a good parent and a strong support system for my kids than anyone else.  She discovered strengths in the parents that we didn't know we had, whether it was organizing the Thanksgiving art project, to helping with the school

When clients hire me, they're looking for someone that can help them manage one of the most difficult transitions of their life.  It doesn't matter if the transition is a positive one and they're buying their first home or if it's a difficult one and they're getting divorced and selling the only home their children have ever known .  Transition sucks. I've been told that I do a pretty good job of helping people stay calm, stay focused, and stay positive throughout the whole process. This week I wish I could hire that version of myself to help with these upcoming transitions in my own household.  You see, my oldest child is graduating next week and my baby is graduating in one year and one week and I'm kind of losing my mind. I'm a strong person (what redhead isn't??), but this transition from a household with two children, to a household with one senior in high school and one college student (and the husband 2.0, but he's not going anywhere

BuzzFeed isn't a reputable source of career advice, but their quizzes are a fun addiction.  Many mornings I've enjoyed a cup of coffee while trying to determine which  Sex in the City  character I'd be (I'm Miranda with a healthy dose of Samantha, btw).  So, this morning I took their "What Career Should You Really Have?" quiz.  Answer?   You got: Humanitarian You are a giver, a justice seeker. You spend more time thinking about others than yourself, and more than anything just want what you’re doing to help someone in some way. Essentially, you is kind, you is smart, you is important. Other occupations: social worker, judge At first I disagreed, but then realized that my title of "Mom" truly could be defined as a blend of social worker / judge.  And, my title of "Realtor" might fall under that as well.  I've often said I don't like sales, but I like finding ways to help people solve their problems and real

In reading through this blog (and the others I've written) I think the central theme was a theme of self-discovery.  What could I do that could provide for my family but more importantly satisfy my entrepreneurial spirit and challenge me to own a successful business, not just be self-employed?? When I started getamom.com in 1999 (no, it's not still active) my goal was to create flexible alternative employment opportunities for working parents.  I was 24 when I had that dream and definitely didn't fully realize that that goal "flexible employment opportunities" was going to drive me into real estate. The common misconception is that real estate agents work 24/7/365.  And they can.  I did.  And then I looked backwards, which I guess is what we often do before we start to look forward, and I saw that my passion, my drive, my reason for being is time with my kids.  And I wanted that time with my kids to be full of grand adventures.  What use is it making money if

...changing. It's more than a job change, though the transition after six years to being an i ndependent RE/MAX Agent  is exciting. It's more than a love life change, thought the transition away from my dating life  is fantastic. It's more than a parenting change, though having two teenagers at Heritage  is pretty great as well. I'm still figuring out what all these changes will be, but for now, it's just nice to know all of these changes are positive.

....celebrating Christmas. So, here it is.  Our first Christmas where one of us has a truly, live in, significant other.   And, it's good.  Seriously, very good.  We planned to go to the zoo (Kids+Me+Ex), which is our family tradition when it's ridiculously nice outside on Christmas (bad weather = museum).  But, his girlfriend got off early so instead of the four of us, it turned into Kids+Me+Ex+Ex's Girlfriend+Ex's Girlfriend's Three Kids+Ex's Girlfriend's First Ex-Husband's Sister.  And it was great.  Lots of laughter, lots of intermingling of my kids (11 & 12) with the little ones (4, 6 & 8), chatting between the various adults... Must give kudos to the Denver Zoo.  I have a Family Plus membership and they let me add my ex so that we could get in with any kids that live in our household(s) and a guest could always come in free as well, plus they made up a "nanny" card for the Ex's Girlfriend so she can take the kids in the fu

...thinking about complicated family dynamics. The ex is, officially, settled down again.  And, it's been fantastic.  He's met this girl that's a perfect match for him and it's made life about 1000 times easier for me.   Selfishly, I hope they end up getting married so she can take care of him forever.  The kids like her and they really like her three kids, plus she makes sure there's food in the house, which is a giant bonus. Now, if I could just figure out how all this 21st century family divorce stuff will work for the holidays.

...eliminating soy. Total change of topic from anything that I've written about before, but it's become a fairly central part to my existance as of late.  Eleven years ago when I was pregnant with my son I stopped drinking milk and switched to soy milk exclusively.  Struggling to lose the weight I'd gained with kid #2, I began trying to focus on "healthy" protiens like soy smoothies after a workout; soy meal replacement bars; edamame as a snack.  I ate canned tuna frequently, soups for lunch and generally focused on a low calorie, high protien world.  I ate salads with low fat vinagerette.  And, I gained weight.   I exercised like mad and still nothing. And so, last November, I visited an endocrinologist because I felt like something was off.  I hoped upon hope it was something as simple as hypothyroidism and it could be turned around.  But, I didn't have a lot of the symptoms, except the stubborn weight.  Much blood was removed from my arm (which is a

...reversing roles. My son's a Cub Scout. This, traditionally, is a father/son activity. Has been forever. Will be forever. But, in our family, it's not. Scouting just isn't something Steve's into. And that's fine. Our troop is made up of some incredible parents (moms and dads alike) that don't make Connor feel bad at all that his mom is more involved than his dad in scouting. And so, tonight was the pinewood derby race.   A couple of weeks ago we had the cutout night.  This was held in one of the dad's ultimate "man-cave" woodshop.  The boys learned about saw safety and Connor designed and cut out his own car - Posideon's Fury.   He sanded it, painted it and (with a little help from mom) got it weighted down and graphited up for the big competition.   But on Sunday (weigh in was Tuesday) Connor mentioned that parents could build cars and race them.  I, looking at my insane schedule, immediately wrote him off.  But then he asked again,

...thinking. We made it through the holidays and no one lost a limb, their eyes or their temper. It was a great Christmas even though there was too much time with the ex. We do the somewhat messed up post-divorce thing of getting together as a group. This year included my ex-in-laws, my grandpa, my parents, the ex and our kids for Christmas dinner (where I rocked the lobster bisque...btw.) For all its greatness, I do think we may have reached a point where we will try and divide and conquer the holidays more. Because my house used to be "our" house he feels uncomfortable. It hasn't been strange for me to have him as a guest here. The day he moved out I painted my bedroom, cleaned everything and rearranged the furniture. There was hardly a trace that he ever lived here. He definitely always seemed like a guest in this suburban life we'd created with our kids and definitely didn't like the house so I was surprised that he shared that it was hard to come to

...contemplative. Lately my posts have started to get repetitive. I've not been very impressed with my ex-husband and his drama and bad decision filled life and have found his negative attitude and general crankiness seeping into my world. Enough of that. He will live his life. I will live mine. The kids will live with me (mostly) and they will continue to achieve and do well because I will continue to achieve and do well. So there. Done with that. That said, I have to spend more time with him in the coming days than usual. We choose to not have the kids have multiple Christmas celebrations and instead choose to just get along for their sake Christmas Eve - Christmas night. It's strange, I don't like him at all, but my kids love him very much and for them, I'll do anything. There will be no fighting, no drama, no sighing, no judging. I might even let him beat me at Scrabble.

...still connected. I know most weeks/months haven't been great lately with the ex, but this week, when life really blew because of some stressful exended family shit, he was pretty amazing. Or, maybe he was just being what he should be always. Either way, I'd like it to continue even when life doesn't suck.

...handing out candy. In what has become another post-divorce tradition, I'm sitting in my house handing out candy while the ex supervises the trick or treating. I'm guessing this may be the last year as the kids are starting to gravitate towards partying with their friends but wanted one more year. And, I'm glad. It's time to move away from some of the forced "family" togetherness that we tried to maintain during the first year or so after we separated. The reality is, I really don't enjoy spending time with him. He's caught in this Jon Gosselin mentality of partying above all else - including being a parent to his kids. (And no, I've never actually seen the show, but the cultural reference seems so appropriate whenever I read magazine covers in the grocery store.) He's the man I don't want my daughter to ever marry and the man I hope my son never becomes. But, he makes an adequate "uncle" type that can take them tr

...very relieved. Many months ago I had my first post-divorce relationship. It was fun while it lasted. It wasn't a forever thing, but it was as close as I've come. I recently found out that this lover is getting married. At first, I was shocked. He's not quite divorced yet. But wow, it's weird to me to think that people can move from lifetime commitment to lifetime commitment quickly. I'm happy I'm divorced and very, very, very happy I'm not still in the marriage I was in. But, in no way do I feel quite ready to make another lifelong commitment. And, I'm proud of myself. Might sound weird, but it would have been really easy to settle for this guy. On paper, he looked great, but he was just looking to get married. Not to get married to me necessarily and thankfully I realized that I wasn't looking for that for the longterm. Wow. He's not my first post-divorce boyfriend to go "husband" on me....just the first relationsh

...celebrating, in a way. Many, many years ago I got married and two years ago I got divorced. Both were the best decisions I've made in my life. My marriage brought me my kids and my divorce gave me the freedom, energy and happiness to get to know my kids better. It's not a journey I'd wish on anyone. Divorce is hard and really doesn't get a whole lot easier. But, on the 10th of every September, I choose to celebrate the beginning of a new journey.

...fervent, grand, energetic, noble, and replete with feeling; often also humorous and sportive, occasionally even eccentric, but always intellectual; sometimes gloomy, yet never effeminately elegant, or whiningly sentimental. (This acutally was used by Czerny to describe Beethoven's works, but I think it sounds like me.)